Notes on Political Venality, Pomposity and Associated Stupidity.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Jeb's Florida Freak Show..Coming Soon To DC!

Let's be perfectly clear; Jeb Bush is running hard for President. His platform? Something like this;

"I'm further to the right and far freakier than my brother! Yes sir. If I get into the White House, the "culture of life" will get a major boost. No one will be allowed to die! In fact, I believe that pain medication should be withheld from those suffering from final-stage cancer, because, after all, Jesus didn't get to take Percocet on his way to Calvary. Pain and suffering is what this life is all about. As a Catholic, I was taught that...and I believe it. Of course, as a legacy son of the filty rich, I've never really ever suffered a moment in my life...but I think I can imagine what is must be like...sort of.

Anyway, you can trust me, as your next President, to bring everything I've learned and practiced in Florida to the nation as a whole. Voting fraud will become law if I am elected. Up until now, it's been far too easy for some Democrats to actually get elected. You can trust me to introduce legislation that will permanently give the GOP absolute control over the voting process. This will be a Godsend for older Americans in particular, who will be able to go to sleep much earlier on "election night."

I will also introduce legislation that will make it a crime to die "before your time." This should be a welcome relief to 88 year cancer patients who, mistakenly, want to "die with dignity." From where I sit, there is no dignity unless I, and the Federal Courts, say there is.

And speaking of pain, I will continue my brother's policies of "robbing the poor to aid the rich." The rich, people like me and my ilk, are the only ones who really know how to run this nation, and we need your money to help us do it! I know you're probably not smart enough to truly understand this...but trust me.

Finally, it just makes sense for another Bush to grace the White House and the Oval Office. Why? Because I said so! Also, it is obvious that "democracy" hasn't been working all that well anyway, and a Plutocracy would make a much better form of government. Don't know what that is? Don't worry. You'll love it."