"Hopeless Hopes - A News Years List"


Here are my Top Ten Hopeless Hopes for the new year. Cheers!

10) Corporate criminals end up in the same prisons as guys named Bubba and begin to reconsider their opposition to gay marriage. Ken Lay would be a fitting first choice.

9) Cell phones are banned in Coach, but mandated in First Class, where they will take away your drink if you're not talking enough.

8) Oil prices continue to climb and force people to face the reality of the peak oil issue.

7) All Hummers come with a permanent plaque on the back which says, "Asshole on Board!"

6) Wal-Mart is forced out of business by a small variety store in upstate New York, even though they don't have greeters, low prices or those trendy blue vests.

5) A law is passed which immediately stops construction on all malls and big box retail stores across the nation.

4) The Democrats learn how to brand themselves.

3) People in the "red states" have an epiphany and realize they've been duped by a cadre of rich, upper-crust criminals, whose "mission from God" has less legitimacy than the one Elwood and Jake Blues were on.

2) We withdraw our troops from Iraq and let the Iraqi's figure it out for themselves.

And finally, the Big Number One Hopeless Hope for 2005...

1) President George W. Bush actually does see God, and God gives him what for.