"The Animatronic Pope"

Okay, I admit it. I want to be The Pope. Not because I feel that I have "his" ear, but because this guy has the easiest job in the history of the word. And it's a job where you can't go wrong. Once, maybe two times a year, he stands up (well, standing isn't his strong suit these days...) and says (to th astonishment of all) WE NEED PEACE! Peace is good! Always the astute observer of the world at large, it was Ms. Piltdown that turned me on to this some years ago. It was she who pointed out to me that all The Pope ever deigns to say is 1) Peace is good and 2) Don't have sex. This is one fun guy.

Now here's where Ms. Piltdown really get's down and dirty. She feels that the original John Paul was actually replaced by an animatronic version some years ago. No one, other than some crusty Vatican insiders with long cassocks and silly hats know precisely when this happened. And it was really easy, actually. I mean, saying "pray for peace" in 23 languages is actually a lot simpler than singing "It's a small world after all." This is Uncle Walt's finest hour. The next step may be combining the anamatronic Pope into some sort of ride; maybe "Pontifs of the Caribbean." The lines would be endless.

But I have to realize that my desire for Popedom is now doomed. The same Hollywood sorts who use servos and electronics to make evil little Chucky seem lifelike, are running the show in Rome. The bad news is, we may never get to go through the whole "white smoke/black smoke" thing again. The good news is, at least somebody is still talking about peace. Even if it's just a smiling, animatronic good guy.